HELP: Uncle Creflo Needs a New Jet

Will you help Uncle Creflo purchase his new private jet (which costs $65M) in order to take the Gospel around the world?

Creflo Dollar is a ridiculous televangelist who uses and abuses ordinary people (his sheep-le) in order to be very, very rich. Now, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution is reporting that Uncle Creflo has crafted a plan that seeks $65 million in order to purchase a jet for global missions.

By the way, he is not my uncle. In the words of Forrest Gump, “We are not relations Sir.” But we do share the same last name, and I do get a kick out of telling people Creflo is my uncle.

But if he really was my uncle, I’d have to get the family together. We’d have to talk about this $65M jet business. Then, we would – as a family – go try to talk some sense into him, because that is what families do!

I would gather the family around him and say:

Look, Uncle Creflo, we’re your family, and we need to be honest with you about your plan to raise millions for a new jet. You know people are too smart for this. Right? If you tell people you need $65 million to buy a new private jet so that you can safely take the Gospel around the world, people will see right through you – they will figure you out! They will say, ‘Well, if Creflo can’t fly commercial like the rest of us, then he’s not about to get my money!’

But I have a strong feeling Uncle Creflo would reply to us with something like this:

Now now, Dollar family!! You don’t know these people like I do! I’ve convinced them that when God is on your side you will be filthy rich!! They love it when I tell them that! And every last one of them is trying to follow my path to wealth and success in the name of Jesus!

I can imagine that he might further inform us – his family – about how his plan to raise the money will succeed. He might say:

Let me tell you how this works, family. Sometimes the sheep come to me and say, ‘Pastor, I am trying so hard to get God on my side so I can be rich like you. But it’s just not working! I’m still filthy poor!’

Well, when they come to me and say that, I’ll just respond, ‘You know what, brother so-and-so? God knows you are trying hard. And I want you to know that God really does want to make you filthy rich like me. But the problem is you just don’t have enough faith yet! The problem is not with God, its with you! When you get your faith up where it should be, God’s gonna make you rich, just like me!’

Once I say that, then I will hit him up like this: ‘And have I got some good news for you, brother! I’ve got a sure-fire way you can show God your great faith. I’m trying to raise $65 million to purchase a new private jet for ministry. You can show God your faith by giving me $5,000 towards this great cause! And if you really want to prove your faith to God, then make it $10,000!’

Well, after Uncle Creflo tells us this, I suppose we’d just have to shake our heads in despair and leave his Atlanta mansion. After all, we know he’s right. There is something about the Prosperity Gospel that is so utterly and ridiculously wrong that you’d think people could see right through it. But in reality, people don’t. They are so blinded by their desire for wealth that they check their brains at the sanctuary door of World Changers Church International.

After this post, I seriously doubt I will make it into Uncle Creflo’s will. Oh well.